shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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