ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
