i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
