I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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