Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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