Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
ugly people sure do ruin things
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
