guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
