Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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