am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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