Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
