was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
