Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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