I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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