Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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