She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
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