Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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