yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
