Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
