so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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