OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
