conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
