Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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