ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I smell stomach acid.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
