I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize