WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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