I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
