No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
