I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
