For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
