After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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