you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
