Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
