then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
That accounts for only three of the penises
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
