I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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