My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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