Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
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Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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