every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize