I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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