Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize