Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
