I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize