i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
