Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
