My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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