didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
