I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
