so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
