dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
