Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
