I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
