I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
