I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
