ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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