Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
