Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
