ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
