I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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