dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
