Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
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Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
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I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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