so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
