Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
