If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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