my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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