if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize