I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Randomize
