Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
