Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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