Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
