whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
