____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
