so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
