Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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