do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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