I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
