my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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