hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So many bounce houses so little time
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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